The Misadventures of A Bald Emo
by autumnflame
Summary: Nico didn't like being bald. He really didn't. Trust him; it doesn't get better after a few hundred times or so. And it was all Persephone's fault, that damn evil godly daughter of a freaking cereal-obsessed hippie goddess. Join Nico in his attempts to hide his lack of hair.
1. An Idiot and Some Palm Fronds

**Author's Note:**

Disclaimer: I do not own PJO or Mountain Dew, if I did, I wouldn't be writing this.

This first chapter is dedicated to TheGoddessOfDuckTape

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**The Misadventures of a Bald Emo: An Idiot and Some Palm Fronds**

_By autumnflame_

Nico didn't like being bald. _He really didn't._ Trust him; it doesn't get better after a few hundred times or so. And it was all Persephone's fault, that damn evil godly daughter of a freaking cereal-obsessed hippie goddess. Sure, he could understand the resent and hate towards him, he was a half-blood child of her husband after all, but this was just too cruel. Nico had gotten used to being turned into a dandelion, as sad as that sounded, but that didn't mean he enjoyed being a flower every time his Dad's wife got annoyed. It was always over little things like leaving a shirt lying around somewhere or trampling whatever meagre plants Persephone could grow in the Underworld. Minor details, really.

So when Spring came closer, which meant Persephone could go back up to the surface, Nico couldn't wait. Unfortunately, the son of Hades didn't think that she would leave him a 'present' as she had called it, a 'last minute surprise', which loosely translated meant 'a spell to make Nico turn into a dandelion every time he did something wrong, even when Persephone wasn't even in the freaking Underworld'.

Nico felt too girly being a flower and certainly not very emo. Though he had to admit, it was a very nice looking flower to be, but that wasn't the point. It only got worse when Leo came prancing into the field he was currently residing in and decided to count flower petals for gods know what reason. He was probably high on red food colouring or something, maybe Mountain Dew?

Of all the pretty little flowers in the field, which one did Leo pick? Did he pull out the tulip across the field shouting about the end of the world? No. Or the magnolia next to Nico that was rambling on and on about the pros and cons of wearing a latex suit with a utility belt and palm fronds? No, it had to be him, Nico the dandelion. He made a mental note to pray to Tyche more.

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"Everyone loves me." The forty-fourth petal falls to the ground.

"I'm awesome." A forty-fifth petal falls.

"Everyone adores me." Twenty petals to go...

"I'm smokin' hot." Nineteen left...

"Everyone worships me." Eighteen...

Leo hadn't started the process so egoistically. At first it had been a simple 'she loves me, she loves me not.' The son of Hades did at a later point wonder who the 'she' was. Perhaps it was due to Leo's extremely high sugar levels or the possibility that he was embracing his darker side, but it very soon escalated to 'everyone wishes they could be me, I'm on FIRE!'. Fortunately he ran out of petals on Nico's head.

And so here he was, in his cabin having sneaked away from the field, but not without a few nymphs giggling and pointing at his hair – or rather the lack thereof – ,sitting on a bunk, sulking. Sulking. The young demigod would have preferred the term _'brooding'_ but he knew that he was just plain sulking. Nico wondered how having all of his petals pulled out during 'Dandelion Mode' didn't kill him. It should have, but he guessed Persephone wasn't trying to kill him off, just to teach him a lesson.

Instead it had left him _bald._

_Wonderful._

_Brilliant._

_What the _heck_ was he going to do now?_

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**Please review and tell me what you think. ~BRING ON THE FLAMES, COZ UNCLE LEO'S HERE!~**


	2. The Thing About Wind

**Disclaimer: I don't own PJO or Mountain Dew otherwise the Cookie Monster would have raided CHB with an army of llamas and penguins by SoM.**

**Please read my friend's fanfiction: The Adventures of A Lovesick Idiot and tell her what you think! Thank you if you do!**

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**The Misadventures of A Bald Emo: The Thing About Wind**

_By autumnflame_

The thing about being bald is that your head feels very cold, as Nico learnt the next morning. He wished he hadn't broken Persephone's favourite vase now. On the bright side he didn't have to wash his hair. On the downside, he was bald, which itself was already outweighing any positivity, but also posed the problem of how to explain how it happened to people. Nico would have to tell people he was a part-time dandelion, and if you think about it, it's a rather embarrassing thing to say out loud not to mention quite ridiculous. Furthermore he would most likely be forced – possibly at sword point, you never know with demigods – to recount his time as a flower. So in short, going out without a disguise or cover was most definitely not an option.

Rummaging round the cabin he tried to find something, maybe a hat to cover his head, to no avail. Opening his mostly unused closet and he pulled out a hooded jacket, inspected it and put it on, pulling the hood down over his head as far as it could go. And so the brave demigod ventured out into the great unknown. By brave, I mean sulking; oh I'm sorry, _brooding. _By ventured, I mean slouched, trudged and dragged his feet and the great unknown referred to Camp Half-blood at 07:30 also known to most demigods as breakfast time.

"Hey Nico!"

"Damn it!" Nico swore under his breath as he turned around to see Percy waving at him ten meters or so ahead of him, Annabeth towing him along.

The son of Hades waved reluctantly at the pair and was about to turn back when Percy ran over.

"Where are you going?" he asked as Annabeth joined the little conversation.

Nico shifted from one foot to the other nervously as he realised that his hood was shifting as well. Percy and Annabeth were looking at him curiously, noticing his peculiar movements.

"Er…..just for a walk…..I guess," was Nico's reply.

"It's breakfast time, aren't you going to eat something, besides where would you go for a walk?" inquired Annabeth, one eyebrow raised in question.

"Um….actually I was planning on –"

Nico was interrupted by a gust of wind that had blown over their heads, which had lifted his hood even more. It now rested precariously on his head, easily dislodged if another breeze came by. He grabbed the hood and tried to shove it back into place but the item of clothing kept slipping back.

"You were planning to?"

Annabeth was looking confused. Nico fumbled with an excuse, as the hood once again began to make its way on his scalp.

"To…to return to the Underworld!" Nico internally sighed, relieved to have found an excuse.

Percy looked disbelieving, "Oh really?"

A light breeze blew against Nico's hood again, inching it back a bit. _'Oh crap,'_ he thought, _'Better hurry up or else….'_

Nico didn't want to finish the train of thought and decided to make a quick explanation and get out of there before anything unwanted could happen.

"Yeah, I was planning to stay at my dad's palace for a few weeks or something….."

_'More like until my hair grows back, if it ever does…..'_ The young demigod rushed off suddenly, taking the pair by surprise and before Percy or Annabeth could react, he had already vanished in a veil of shadows, clutching his hood as tight as possible.

Percy blinked at where Nico had just been and turned to his female friend, "You know, sometimes I worry about that kid."

Annabeth nodded, "Yeah, it looked like something was up, don't you think?"

"He should really tell us if something's wrong," Percy frowned slightly.

Annabeth glanced at the number of campers heading towards breakfast and rolled her eyes.

"C'mon, Seaweed Brain! If we don't get there soon, Leo's going to drink too much Mountain Dew again! And he'll eat all of the cookies."

Percy grinned and gasped in mock horror, "Not the cookies!"

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**Please review, I'm open to suggestions on how Nico will cover up his baldness! BRING ON THE FLAMES, COZ UNCLE LEO IS HERE!**


	3. A Chip Off The Old Block

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO, because let's face it, would I really be writing fanfiction then?**

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**The Misadventures of A Bald Emo: A Chip Off The Old Block**

_By autumnflame_

"Boy, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at that camp?"

Nico, having shadow-travelled into the palace, was searching for food in the fridge when he heard his father walk in. He was still wearing his hood but the traitorous thing would probably slip at any given chance. So in order to possibly escape explaining an awkward situation to the Lord of The Underworld, he kept looking for food, stacking stuff on the table.

"You know that looking for food, _or pretending to_, isn't an excuse right?"

Silence. Nico sighed, knowing there wasn't much point. He stood up and as predicted, the evil hood fell down, revealing his lack of hair, "Hi, Dad."

Hades stood there staring at his son for a while before speaking.

"What in my name have you done to your hair?" he asked, a questioning look on his face, an eyebrow raised.

"It's all your wife's doing," snapped Nico.

Hades looked amused, a small smile on his face,"Have I ever told you that you look horrible bald? I always thought you'd go dye your hair some terrible colour or get a Mohawk. But I guess this is so much funnier."

"Dad, _you're bald as well_. You shouldn't be one to talk," His son retorted, glaring at the god and his equally hairless scalp.

"Exactly my point. What was that saying the mortals use, ah yes, you're a chip off the old block," said Hades, smiling, leaning against the large black marble doorframe.

"_Dad_?"

"What is it, _son_?"

"I hate you."

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Piper sat, her cheek resting on the palm of her hand, her fingers on the other hand tapping thoughtfully on the wooden bench. Nico sat hunched on the bench opposite her, glancing around at campers passing by. He was wearing a different hooded jacket, hopefully a loyal and non-traitorous one.

"So you're telling me that you broke your step-mum's favourite vase, got magically turned into a flower and ended up bald when you managed to get changed back?" the daughter of love clarified after digesting Nico's explanation.

Nico nodded and shrugged, "Pretty much." Nico had left out the part about Leo and the petal counting incident, it was too weird and he really didn't want to think about it.

"That lady is a genius," Piper said, grinning at Nico who scowled and glared.

"That lady is evil, _she hates me_; I'm BALD for gods' sake!" The boy said exasperatedly, and gave a tired sigh, "Are you going to help me or not?"

"Of course I'm helping! After all, I'm such a nice person, aren't I? Whatever makes you think I'd do this solely for my personal gain?" Piper asked, her voice oozing innocence.

"I never did think that, Piper," Nico rolled his eyes.

"Exactly."

"Huh, wouldn't have guessed that," Nico grumbled.

"I'm sure we'll find a wig or something for you. A hat should work," The girl mused.

Nico rolled his eyes and muttered, "Thanks, as if I didn't know that already."

Piper stood up and stretched, yawning quietly.

"I've got say though, Nico, like father, like son," she said as they walked towards the Aphrodite Cabin to look for hats and wigs.

"Shut up."

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**I would like to thank TheGoddessOfDuckTape for their assistance in the making of this chapter :) **

**Please review, you're welcome to make suggestions if you like. BRING ON THE FLAMES, COZ UNCLE LEO IS HERE!**


	4. A Pitiful Situation

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO, Chuck Norris or cage matches. **

**For some reason, I think I'm having trouble updating sometimes, is anyone else having that problem?**

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**The Misadventures of A Bald Emo: A Pitiful Non-Chuck-Norris-or-Kung-Fu-Assassin-Warrior Related Situation**

_By autumnflame_

Nico was standing in the nearly empty Aphrodite Cabin and was pacing impatiently back and forth, carefully avoiding the hats and costumes a certain daughter of love was throwing out of a large and seemingly never-ending closet.

"Got it," Piper called out, her voice muffled by the amount of cloth spilling out of the closet.

Nico stopped and turned around to see Piper pull out her chosen item. He stood still, contemplating it for a while, judging the inconspicuous value.

He grimaced, "_No."_

"What?" asked Piper placing the hat down on one of the bunk beds.

"I'm not wearing that thing."

"Why?"

Nico struggled to find words to describe it, "Just no, Piper, no."

"It's a hat, I thought you wanted one to cover your….head!"

The son of Hades groaned in frustration, and was about to run his fingers through his hair, but then he realised, _oh wait, he didn't have any_. Piper placed a hand on her hip and looked confused.

"Really? _What's wrong with it?_"

Nico walked over and grabbed the hat, shaking it a bit, "Piper, _it's one of those Asian rice paddy hats_."

Piper frowned," So? It's the only mildly sensible one in the closet. Plus, it covers your face. If you really don't want it, go look for another one."

Setting the hat down – none too gently –, he rummaged around in the closet himself, grumbling, determined to find a more suitable accessory to cover his head. Surely there had to be something better than _that….thing_. Nico pulled out a rainbow afro, immediately recognising it as a replica of the one from Madagascar 3. He blanched, no way was he going to wear that, because believe it or not, he did in fact have more dignity than a delirious animal that couldn't tell the difference between black with white stripes and white with black stripes. Anyway, he wasn't that desperate. Yet.

Several minutes later – and a few thousand or so accessories that can barely be called hats – later, Nico finally gave up and let Piper, who was looking very smug, fix the silly thing on his head. Piper then dragged him outside, telling him to – and he quotes – 'look casual and pretend to be a caretaker or something'. She reasoned that no-one would be expecting the son of Hades to be wearing a rice paddy hat, and _what would be the chances that someone would notice_?

So Nico was outside, 'looking casual and pretending to be a caretaker or something'. Though he doubted that sitting under a tree could be considered 'caretaker-ish work'. He'd have preferred to stay in the Underworld, which would have been immensely easier, until his hair grew back – _if it ever would_ – but Alecto had spent a great deal of time cackling over his problem and his father wasn't helping either. For an equally bald God, he was such a jerk. Then again, pretty much all gods were.

Nico was dragged out of his thoughts when he heard a crash in the woods behind him.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" a familiar and very loud and manly – or rather goatly – voice shouted at he charged out of the woods.

Looking around suspiciously, ready to go all Kung Fu Warrior on any unsuspecting demigod, the satyr didn't notice the _very suspicious_ looking demigod sporting a rice paddy hat. That is until Nico sneezed.

"HI-YAH!" Coach Hedge launched an assault on the rice-paddy-hat-wearing 'fiend', delivering a swift karate chop to the shoulder.

"Coach Hedge, it's ME, Nico," Nico whispered furiously, sloppily blocking the blow.

The satyr loosened the headlock he was holding Nico in and dropped him heavily on the ground.

"What in the world are you doing with THAT, Ni– " Hedge was cut short when the demigod attempted to clamp a hand over his mouth.

"Shh! We'll go into the woods, then I'll explain."

The would-be Kung Fu Warrior with anger issues and the bald emo slipped into the woods and sat on some conveniently placed rocks. Nico explained his dilemma, once again spilling everything but the Leo incident. Piper had, at some point, joined them, mumbling about 'Annabeth being too smart and had discovered ...'.

"Has anyone ever told you that bald _really isn't_ the look for you?" asked Coach, munching on some cans, "I mean you're starting to look like _your father_ and even less like Chuck Norris."

Nico groaned, rolling his eyes, "Yes, yes they have. Wait, why would I want to look like Chuck Norris?"

The satyr shrugged, "Who doesn't want to look like Chuck Norris and become a Kung Fu Assassin Warrior?"

"Everyone except you," Piper pointed out, her first contribution to the conversation.

"That may or may not have been a _rhetorical question_, kid," the half-goat chaperone said, gritting his teeth.

Coach Hedge stood up, brushing his furry hind-quarters and said, "Well, your sadly non-Chuck-Norris-or-Kung-Fu-Assassin-Warrior related situation is pitiful and pathetic and all, but I have to go and finish my 750th Chuck Norris cage match re-run marathon."

And he left, though not before crashing into several trees/demigods and yelling for them to "GET OUT OF THE WAY!" and "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE WALKING!".

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**Please review and feel free to make any suggestions. BRING ON THE FLAMES COS UNCLE LEO IS HERE!**


	5. The Dignity of A Zebra

**Author's Note: Sorry, this is a _really short_ chapter, only 323 words. This is, even to my standards, pathetically short. I'm still figuring out what to write next, I really have NO idea. If anyone has any suggestions, please review or PM me, please!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO, a rainbow wig or a never-ending costume closet. I _do__,_ own a never-ending cabinet full of chocolate...which I'm not allowed to eat from :(**

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**The Misadventures of A Bald Emo: The Dignity of A Zebra**

_By autumnflame_

Nico wasn't that desperate...yet.

_Or so he had thought._

Nico really didn't enjoy wearing wigs. Especially if they came from the Aphrodite cabin. He despised them even more if they were afros. And rainbow afros were simply really just over the line. But all the other more sensible options – rather like his hair – were gone. For a moment, he seriously wondered whether such a suspicious wig would have hair lice, but Piper had bluntly reminded him that hair lice lived on _hair_. Reluctantly, and at the insistance of Piper, Nico put the wig on - well attempted to - before needing to ask for help.

And so, another ridiculous disguise was born. _So much for dignity….._

Piper was amused. _Very amused_. She had known very well that a rainbow afro wig was definitely not a good disguise. She had known very well that there were _normal realistic_ wigs in a box under Drew's bed – which she had no idea why they were there, and probably didn't want to know – and that she had a beanie at the bottom of her closet. She knew all this, but didn't say anything. Quietly she pondered whether having one's petals pulled out not only made you bald but also killed a thousand or so brain cells. _Oh well_, might as well see how long this would go on before Nico realised, it was after all quite entertaining. And it was much too late to tell Nico _now._

Piper was about to go help Nico fix the wig atop his head when she heard the cabin door creak. She shoved Nico into the never-ending closet of costumes and dropped the wig on a bed, just in time to see Leo pop his head in the doorway, "Have you seen Nico?"

"Nope," came the girl's reply.

The aforementioned son of Hades chose this particular moment to fall out of the closet, dislodge his wig and crash onto the floor.

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**Please give me your opinion by reviewing even if this is really short! :)**


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